After what has seemed like eons, and months, Piak, the great and wonderful Californian who has endeared himself to us all, has finally returned. But where was he this entire time?

The story is Piaks absence is one filled with turmoil and lots of grilled cheese nightmares. It started one smoky night after a series of bushfires were light and discretionary speed bumps placed in front of strategic highway intersections. A firefight ensued in the chaos between rival gangs with the leader, Cat, taking heavy fire from the evil coffee house gang Starbuxims.

Many casualties occurred on both sides, and one particularly important ambassador was MIA. That is the story of Piaks kidnapping. He was later rescued by an elite team of mutated pre-teen turtles with the abilities of a ninja.

On retuning to his domicile Piak discovered that his computer was hit by shrapnel and no longer in working order. Completely overwhelmed from emotion at the loss of his only connection to the outside world Piak quickly began a downward spiral into an abyss of instant macaroni, booze, and suicide pills.

Luckily for Piak he had real life friends who quickly picked him up out of his vomit and threw on some clothes and had a tea party. After the party his bestest friend Caoutchouc decided that she didn't like Piak to be offline and away from tasteful images of erotica in which one woman would sit on another woman?s face. So she decided to help him get his computer fixed.

With a click of her magic pixie shoes she told Piak that he bought a new motherboard and other computer shit that should make it work. Piak remembered buying these things and threw them inside his case and pressed the on button. The computer however did not turn on. Calling 1-800-SUICIDE he was almost in tears as Caoutchouc guided him along the process of making simple coqs, silicon, and copper turn into an internet capable machine.

Luckily for Piak, Caoutchouc had internet friends of her own, namely fr0d, who knows stuff about computers, like binary and shit. So she asked for help and with a bunch of resets and boots and XPs' the computer was fixed and Piak is back here with us all.

AMEN!