Responsibiliy? what does that mean?

KBC · Post by **KBC** » Fri Nov 08, 2002 1:05 am

i'm trying to be responsible for my actions as of late in real life. i've stopped lying about stupid shit, not trying to talk my way out of trouble, and became what i really feel about myself, insted of putting on an act infront of those i care about and love. i'm finally being myself, and everyone thinks i've become fucked up

i have to go to school to talk to my coop teacher about stupid ass log sheets that i haven't handed in from almost a month ago. she keeps saying that i "should talk to my coop supervisor and hand the sheets in for marks" but i kept refusing. she was being really forceful, trying to get me to hand them in, but i keep refusing. she eventually gets in. then she asks me to bring something down to the guidance councellor. when i get there, the guidence councellor wants to talk to me "out of the blue". i'm starting to wonder if there was anything on the letter i brought her from my coop teacher. well, there i am, talking to my guidance councellor about my coop because, again, out of the blue, my coop teacher called her and told her about my situation, and we start talking with another councellor. they ask me why i dont want to hand it in, and i say "i dont want anymore second chances. where will second chances get me in life? how many people will give me second chances? will my college teachers give me second chances? last time i heard, they dont do squat" (yes, i said squat, i started with an S word, but if i said shit, i would have been suspended, and i dont really feel like being suspended). they say it's very courageous, admerable, and other bullshit, but they still keep trying to make me do it, give me a second chance, because i'm in the "alternate course". this makes me feel stupid, because we at the alternate course dont want to be treated any different, since we're doing just as hard, if not harder work as main school (i go to school at another area outside the school). then they say that they would give a second chance to any student having trouble. after about 10 minutes of this..."encouraging", i make a remark about how at the beginning of the year they told us in coop that we would have no second chances, looked at my watch, and stormed out. it was all i could do to not punch them both in the throat. i'm expecting a letter tomorrow about what happened.

and last week, i tried being nice to my mother. i missed getting her something for her birthday, so i wanted to get her something, since she seemed very upset after her birthday. this is what helped the change. i grab all my favourite movies and CDs and go to a pawn shop to sell them all with my sister (i'm not 18 yet, so i need her help selling this shit). this includes True Romance, all my Kevin Smith shit, my ALL CD, and much more. i buy her the Star Wars Episode I Special Edition and Superman Box Set. then i do shit with my sister, including getting coffee, going to the museum of Sience And Technology (they were closed! at 6pm on a saturday! i thought that was where all the "hip" and "cool" people hung out), and finally midway, the arcade. after that, i go home. when i get home, i give my mom all that shit and she says "where did you get the money for this?", to which i reply "i...sold all my Kevin Smith movies and some CDs". she gets a little mad...yes, MAD that i would do something nice for her. "you did what? you love those things! why would you do something like that?" "to give you a happy birthday, but fuck you insted"

so i ask you people...what is responsibility?

staying longer after work to help coworkers who are fucking swamped? irresponsible on my part.

doing something nice? irresponsible.

trying to take control of my life? irresponsible.

putting a bullet in your head? i'm wondering and thinking about trying it to find out

or how about this...my mom made me an appointment tomorrow for my psychologist, without consulting me, at 1400, when i have coop...while i work. is that responsible? according to her logic, yes

cheers

fufet · Post by **fufet** » Fri Nov 08, 2002 1:15 am

sounds all too familiar mate.

it seems every time im forced to interact with other people it takes to much effort to keep them happy. so i said, fuck it... im not going to bother to try and keep you happy, im just going to do what needs to be done to keep myself in line... of course this seems nice until you actually try it, then it becomes a moot point.

but seriously, if you're going to kill yourself, think about how much fun you could have before you die! rob some banks, do some driveby's.... imagine how much fun you could have with nothing to lose. i made that promise to myself a long time ago, dont take the wussy way out.... go out in a hail of bullets.

Angeldust · Post by **Angeldust** » Fri Nov 08, 2002 1:26 am

Okay about your mother... I know it must've been a letdown as to how she reacted to you selling your Kevin Smith CDs to get her a gift, but have you given thought as to why she got mad at you for selling your CD collection to get her those gifts?

She was mad because she loves you. she wants YOU to have your CD collection, and the fact that you parted with something that meant alot to you probably bothered her, coz she would want you to have what you want to have. she's spoiling you. so its all love. don't misunderstand it.

Responsibility: When you basically face the reactions for your actions. One thing I do know thoough, is its frequent that parents view their sons and daughters as irresponsible despite of their sons/duaghters achievements. We will always be our mom's and dad's litt@l monk@ys. Its hard for them to see us growing up.

bliksta · Post by **bliksta** » Fri Nov 08, 2002 3:51 am

always gotta remember mothers don't really care about their birthday.. shoulda just got her a card and she would have been happy.

nimec · Post by **nimec** » Fri Nov 08, 2002 4:10 am

always gotta remember mothers don't really care about their birthday.. shoulda just got her a card and she would have been happy.

i just get my mom a card every year, i never really buy her anything. heh cept one year i forgot to get her a card....that was rough.

Blimpet · Post by **Blimpet** » Fri Nov 08, 2002 3:45 pm

Everybody claims to know what being responsible is, but the truth is that everybody has their own slightly different definition of it.

I once tried being responsible, but it didn't end too well. I was on time for everything, I did all my work, I did all my chores, I tried my hardest, sacrificed my time and money for others, blah blah blah blah blah blah same old bullshit sob story. I did this because all my teachers and my parents said that my life was pretty much going down the drain and that I wasn't being mature or responsible enough. But even when I was trying reach the standard they were looking for, they still kept on critiscising me and pushing me further. I was doing everything and following exactly what they said, turning mostly everything on time and putting my effort to the fucking max, yet it still wasn't good enough.

It was as if they weren't happy with me no matter what I did, before and after. And instead of trying to get me on track, they incessantly forced me into the direction of utter perfection, and God knows that I am never going to reach that level no matter how hard I try.

I gave up on trying to be "responsible" and went back to generally the way I was. Since then I have had much fewer problems. If that means my life will eventually slip down the spiral to Hell, so be it.